2019,
English,
Natalia Tish Gervais,
USA,
Director: Karen Bernstein and Nevie Owens
Release Year: 2019
Synopsis:
"I’m Gonna Make You Love Me" (2019), directed by Karen Bernstein, is a poignant and tragi-comedic documentary that delves into the complex journey of self-acceptance of Brian Belovitch, a man whose life unfolded in unexpected ways. His story is one of personal reinvention, tabloid fame, and profound transformation — one that spans multiple identities, a high-profile career, and two major coming-out experiences: first as a straight woman, and later as the gay man he was born to be.
In the 1980s, Belovitch, known at the time as Natalia “Tish” Gervais, was a prominent figure in New York City’s underground nightclub scene. Tish was a trans woman who made waves across Manhattan’s cabarets, even gracing the pages of NYC's gossip columns. She was an icon of the city's nightlife, living boldly in an era that both celebrated and marginalized people like her. Yet, as the decade drew to a close, Tish made the decision to "retransition" and return to living as Brian Belovitch, embracing his true identity as a gay man. Directed by Austin-based filmmaker Karen Bernstein, "I’m Gonna Make You Love Me" follows Belovitch as he revisits the fascinating and at times tumultuous chapters of his life. From his role as a wife in an army marriage to his time as a model, a sex worker, and finally a memoirist, Belovitch's journey of self-discovery and reinvention is both deeply personal and universal. The documentary takes audiences on an emotional and reflective ride through his past, with a lens that shows both the struggles and triumphs he experienced while navigating a world that was not always kind to those living outside societal norms.
In a conversation with "Austin Chronicle", Brian Belovitch reflects on how his involvement in the documentary came about. "Karen and I became friends in the 90s," he shares. "She was dating a friend of mine, and over time, I told her bits of my story. She later told me she was fascinated by it and always hoped she might one day tell it." This mutual connection laid the groundwork for the documentary, which started taking shape around five years ago. During the same time, Belovitch was working on his memoir, "Trans Figured". Initially, the film was envisioned as a story about his marriage and weddings, sparked by a conversation with his ex-husband's sister, who was searching for Tish. In a curious twist of fate, this led to a rediscovery of his former identity, and soon the documentary began to explore far more than just his past marriage.
The process of revisiting his past, as Belovitch reflects, was both difficult and cathartic. "It was a moment where I reached back into my past and gave myself a giant hug," he says. "I found this newfound respect for the child I was and the struggles I overcame. I had no idea how special I was as a kid, and I didn’t fully appreciate the importance of nurturing children through their early development."
The emotional weight of revisiting the past was lightened by the documentary’s structure, which Belovitch credits to Karen Bernstein's skillful approach in piecing together his life story. "The way Karen shaped the narrative, the questions she asked — it made the experience impactful and illuminating."
Another surprising element for Belovitch was the way his family members reacted when Bernstein interviewed them. While he had kept in contact with his sister, his relationships with his brothers were more distant. "I didn’t realize how much respect they had for me," he admits. "There was a sense of homophobia in our family, and I assumed they felt differently about my choices. But after hearing their interviews, I realized they had more respect for me than I knew."
One of the documentary’s key themes is a critical examination of toxic masculinity, misogyny, and transmisogyny.
In the film, Belovitch discusses his early decision to transition, saying that as a young effeminate gay boy, he saw transitioning to a woman as a way to escape the harassment that came with being perceived as weak or different. "I rejected the idea that to be a man you had to behave a certain way," he explains. "As a sensitive, aware kid, I realized there was something wrong with how society defined masculinity, and I wanted no part of it." In hindsight, Belovitch recognizes the complexity of gender identity, reflecting on how the world has changed and how he has evolved into a more mature man. "There are many ways to be a man in today's world," he notes, acknowledging that society’s understanding of gender has shifted considerably.
With the ongoing conversations surrounding trans rights, particularly in light of increasing violence against trans women and landmark legal cases regarding gender identity and expression, Belovitch’s story resonates powerfully in the context of current culture.
Reflecting on his retransition, he shares an insightful conversation with a younger trans person who questioned whether his decision could be viewed negatively by the community. "Gender is fluid," Belovitch responds, offering a perspective that emphasizes the personal nature of gender identity. "We’re moving towards a world where people are defining gender for themselves, and that definition is unique to each individual."
In the end, "I’m Gonna Make You Love Me" is not just a documentary about one man’s personal journey but a broader exploration of gender identity, societal expectations, and the courage it takes to live authentically. Brian Belovitch’s story is one of transformation, self-acceptance, and resilience, highlighting the power of embracing one's true self in the face of adversity. Through his story, the film challenges audiences to reconsider traditional notions of gender and identity, and encourages a more open, compassionate, and inclusive view of the diverse ways people experience and express their authentic selves.
Image credits: Vimeo
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