A random collection of films authored by or about my transgender, intersex sisters, and gender-nonconforming persons all over the world. I watched some of them, and I was inspired by some of them. I met some of the authors and heroines, some of them are my best friends, and I had the pleasure and honor of interviewing some of them. If you know of any transgender documentary that I have not covered yet, please let me know.

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Oscillare

Director: Lauren Feiring
Release Year: 2011

Synopsis:
Lauren Feiring's 2011 documentary Oscillare is a hauntingly poetic film that immerses viewers in the personal and social complexities of gender transition. Shot entirely on Super 8, Oscillare follows Alyson Bowles, a transgender woman, as she navigates the physical, emotional, and psychological terrain of transitioning from male to female in the Inland Empire region of Southern California. Through impressionistic visuals and a minimalist narrative, Feiring uses the backdrop of the Southern California desert—an area often associated with the fading dream of the American West—as a metaphor for Alyson’s own journey through an inner landscape of transformation, yearning, and struggle.
 
At the heart of Oscillare is Alyson Bowles, whose transition is not only a personal journey but also a lens through which we understand broader themes of identity, the passage of time, and the social fabric of modern America. Alyson's life is quietly observed as she grapples with her transformation in the context of the Inland Empire—a sprawling, desolate region in Southern California that has become symbolic of both disillusionment and hope in American culture.
 
The film does not directly interview Alyson or offer explicit narration about her background or struggles. Instead, Feiring presents her subject in a series of intimate, observational moments that highlight her daily existence—her interactions with her son, her quiet reflection in the solitude of nature, and her moments of uncertainty and vulnerability. Alyson’s journey is not framed as a "beginning to end" process but as a complex, ongoing experience of oscillation between the past and the future, between who she was and who she is becoming. One of the most powerful aspects of Oscillare is its ability to depict the reality of transition as an emotional and psychological process. There is no neat resolution or catharsis. Alyson is shown in her moments of strength and vulnerability, navigating not only the challenges of her gender transition but also the internalized societal expectations of masculinity and femininity. The film allows the viewer to witness Alyson as she is—complex, multifaceted, and deeply human.
 
The setting of Oscillare—the Inland Empire of Southern California—acts as more than just a physical backdrop; it becomes a visual metaphor for the internal landscape of transition. The Inland Empire is an area characterized by vast stretches of empty space, abandoned buildings, and signs of past aspirations, often standing in contrast to the new developments of suburban sprawl and commercial enterprise. This sense of decay and unrealized potential mirrors Alyson's own sense of being between worlds, caught in a liminal space of transformation and yearning. Feiring uses the Super 8 format to give the film a grainy, textured look, evoking a sense of nostalgia, impermanence, and dreamlike quality. The images are often blurred, overexposed, or intentionally fractured, suggesting the fractured nature of Alyson's internal state. Abandoned fields and sun-bleached parking lots—symbols of both the American Dream and its erosion—serve as potent metaphors for the wastelands that can exist within an individual’s psyche during times of profound change. The Inland Empire is also a region known for its cultural contradictions—on one hand, it is a site of dreams and aspirations, a place of reinvention, yet it also carries the scars of economic downturns, social fragmentation, and environmental degradation. In many ways, this reflects the tension in Alyson’s journey. She is in the midst of reconstructing her identity, yet she is also surrounded by a society that, like the landscape, can often seem indifferent to or resistant to the changes she is undergoing.
 
One of the most poignant aspects of Oscillare is its exploration of the relationship between Alyson and her son. As a transgender parent, Alyson is forced to navigate the complexities of gender identity while also grappling with her role as a mother. In one of the film's most touching scenes, Alyson guides her son through the desolate, sun-bleached landscapes of the Inland Empire, speaking to him with a quiet tenderness that contrasts with the harshness of their surroundings. This relationship adds an emotional depth to the film. It highlights not only the personal stakes of Alyson's transition but also the broader cultural implications of gender identity on family dynamics. For Alyson, the desire to be a good parent while undergoing such a profound transformation presents a unique challenge. Her son, caught in the middle of his own developmental journey, also represents the future—a future that is uncertain and shifting just like the environment they inhabit. Alyson’s relationship with her son is emblematic of the struggles many transgender parents face in reconciling their identities with societal expectations of parenthood. The film never directly addresses the question of how others perceive their family dynamic; instead, it focuses on the emotional intimacy between mother and child, suggesting that true family bonds transcend external judgments.
 
The title of the film, Oscillare, derives from the Latin word for "to swing" or "to oscillate," and it perfectly encapsulates the aesthetic and thematic core of the documentary. The Super 8 film stock, with its imperfect grain and hazy quality, mirrors the oscillation between clarity and ambiguity that defines both Alyson’s transition and the broader existential questions the film grapples with. The camera work often lingers on fleeting moments of quiet beauty—the shimmer of sunlight on a dusty road, the silhouette of a figure against a vast sky, the sharp lines of urban decay. These images are not merely decorative; they evoke a sense of passing time and the fragility of identity. The oscillation between light and dark, between focus and blur, reflects the constant shifts in Alyson's self-perception as she transitions. Just as the landscape is in flux, so too is Alyson, caught in a perpetual state of becoming. The film’s minimalism and lack of overt narration allow the audience to feel a deeper emotional connection to Alyson’s experience. Instead of offering answers or solutions, Oscillare presents a raw and unvarnished exploration of the human condition. It leaves space for the viewer to reflect on the process of transition, not just as a personal transformation but as a universal experience of becoming and unbecoming.
 
Oscillare is not just a documentary about gender transition—it is a meditation on the spaces we inhabit, both external and internal, as we navigate the complexities of selfhood. Through the story of Alyson Bowles, Feiring takes us into the quiet, often painful, and deeply personal process of transformation. Set against the vast, desolate landscapes of the Inland Empire, the film speaks to the larger existential struggles we all face: the tension between who we were, who we are, and who we hope to become. In its beauty and subtlety, Oscillare defies easy categorization. It is not a typical narrative about gender or family, nor is it a conventional documentary. Instead, it stands as a poignant, sensory exploration of transition, identity, and the spaces we occupy in the world—both physical and emotional. Through the lens of a woman undergoing the complexities of gender transition in a region marked by desolation and hope, Feiring creates a work of art that resonates with anyone who has ever felt caught between the past and the future, between who they have been and who they long to become.

via: imdb.com
Image credits: YouTube
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