A random collection of films authored by or about my transgender, intersex sisters, and gender-nonconforming persons all over the world. I watched some of them, and I was inspired by some of them. I met some of the authors and heroines, some of them are my best friends, and I had the pleasure and honor of interviewing some of them. If you know of any transgender documentary that I have not covered yet, please let me know.

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Transformer

Director: Michael Del Monte
Release Year: 2017

Synopsis:
"Transformer" (2017), a documentary directed by Michael Del Monte, offers an intimate and poignant portrayal of Janae Marie Kroczaleski, a former US Marine and world record-holding weightlifter, as she navigates her gender transition. Originally known in the bodybuilding world as Matt "Kroc" Kroczaleski, Janae's life took a dramatic turn in the summer of 2015 when she was publicly outed as transgender. The revelation sparked a series of challenging and life-altering events: she was abandoned by her sponsors, disowned by her parents, banned from bodybuilding competitions, and forced to confront the complex journey of self-identity.
 
The film chronicles Janae’s attempt to find her place in society as she reconciles her past with her evolving identity. At first, she envisioned a future where she could strip away the excessive muscle mass she had spent years building, aspiring to present herself as a more traditionally feminine woman. However, she soon found that shedding the muscle she had worked so hard to gain was not as simple as she had hoped. This internal struggle is central to the documentary, as Janae grapples with transitioning both physically and emotionally, caught between the image of a powerful, muscular man and her desire to embrace her femininity. Janae's story is one of resilience and self-discovery. The documentary explores her journey with sensitivity, showing the confusion and the emotional toll of feeling disconnected from her own body. 
 
The film presents her inner conflict through poignant moments, such as her attempt to blend into society as a woman, wearing floral tops, doing her makeup, and, for the first time, wearing wigs and experimenting with a new appearance. Yet, the camera never imposes an external judgment on Janae's appearance; rather, it shows her struggle to accept and love herself before she can expect others to do the same. As Janae moves through this transition, she faces the challenge of reconciling her past with her present. Early in the documentary, we see her still engaging in bodybuilding, a sport that once defined her. However, after being outed by a YouTuber, she loses her sponsorships and is effectively pushed out of the professional bodybuilding scene. This loss becomes a pivotal moment in the documentary, as Janae comes to terms with the fact that bodybuilding, once her identity and passion, may no longer be a space for her. Despite the discrimination, she continues to pursue bodybuilding as a personal hobby and becomes involved in the transgender bodybuilding community, even traveling across the United States to judge competitions and speak at conventions. 
 
The documentary doesn’t shy away from the harsh realities of gender transition, especially in the context of sports. Although there are no explicit barriers to transgender individuals participating in sports, Janae’s experience highlights the subtle, often unspoken discrimination that exists in competitive spaces. In one powerful sequence, the documentary observes bodybuilding competitions, where Janae watches as a spectator rather than a participant. These competitions, with their superficial emphasis on appearance and gendered ideals, serve as a microcosm of the larger societal expectations around gender. Through these scenes, the film critiques the performative nature of gender norms and raises the question of where trans individuals fit within these binary constructs. At its heart, "Transformer" is a deeply personal and introspective film. It’s not just about the transformation of the body, but about reconciling one’s inner self with societal expectations and finding acceptance. One of the most moving aspects of the film is Janae’s relationship with her children. Despite the upheavals in her life, Janae’s bond with her sons remains steadfast. The film captures moments of tenderness as she spends time with them, playing outdoors and enjoying simple, carefree moments by the river. These scenes serve as a reminder that family, love, and connection transcend the complexities of gender and appearance.
 
The documentary’s cinematography also plays a significant role in conveying the emotional depth of Janae’s journey. The film features quiet, reflective moments in nature, such as Janae walking alone by the ocean or exploring the forest with her sons. These moments mirror her inner journey of change, highlighting the constant ebb and flow of transformation. The film’s focus on nature’s cyclical patterns reinforces the idea that change, although often difficult, is a natural part of life. Janae’s transition is not just physical; it is also emotional and psychological. The film illustrates the weight of societal expectations placed on individuals, particularly trans people, who often face intense scrutiny for not conforming to traditional gender norms. This tension between masculine strength and feminine grace is a central theme of the film, as Janae jokes about her internal battle between being an “alpha male” and a “girly girl.” However, the documentary never trivializes these struggles. Instead, it portrays them with a sense of empathy, allowing viewers to see the complexity of Janae’s experiences and the emotional depth of her journey. Despite the challenges Janae faces, "Transformer" is ultimately a story of hope and resilience. The film showcases her evolution not only as a transgender woman but also as a person who refuses to be defined by the limitations imposed on her by others. Through her journey, Janae becomes an inspiration to others who may be struggling with their own identity or facing similar challenges.
 
The documentary is a celebration of courage, self-acceptance, and the unwavering pursuit of authenticity. "Transformer" premiered at the 2017 Austin Film Festival, where it received widespread acclaim, winning both the audience prize and the feature documentary award. It continued to garner recognition at various film festivals, including the 2018 Hot Docs Canadian International Documentary Festival, where it won the Audience Award for Best Canadian Documentary and the Emerging Canadian Filmmaker Award. The film’s success is a testament to its universal appeal and its ability to resonate with audiences on a deeply emotional level. The documentary also received critical acclaim for its portrayal of Janae’s journey. Director Michael Del Monte is praised for his empathetic approach, capturing the complexities of Janae’s experience without resorting to sensationalism. Through his direct cinema style, Del Monte allows the audience to witness Janae’s transformation in a raw and authentic way, making her story both relatable and inspiring. In conclusion, "Transformer" is a powerful and heartfelt documentary that explores the intersection of identity, gender, and societal expectations. It is a story of one woman’s journey to find herself in a world that often demands conformity. Through its sensitive portrayal of Janae’s transformation, the film invites viewers to reflect on the nature of gender, strength, and acceptance, ultimately leaving us with a deeper understanding of what it means to live authentically.
 
via: youtube
Image credits: YouTube

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